Grateful

 Sometimes I do miss the days where problems are small, borderline negligible when I only have to care for myself. My responsibility is only being myself. 

BUT

I can guarantee in ten years time when I look back again to today, my problem is small, miniscule even to some people. I have roof over my head, a loving family, enough money to spend things that I want to buy. I don't have to worry what can I eat tomorrow because I know my fridge is fully stocked. 

I just want to be grateful. I have a family. I have a job. I have a home. 

Oh well, I miss writing things that don't make much sense. I really do feel old this year. 

10 years ago, I did wonder where will I be, what I look like, where I work, how many kids I have, to whom I will be married to... and hey now, ten years later, here I am.. still studying.. lol 

I hope I did not disappoint my previous self. 

I think writing is a form of therapy. It doesn't matter if people are not reading it. But it is very fun reading back my posts.  some major throwback moment reading my previous posts. I think I do want to start writing again. 

Well today, I stayed home instead of working. My 3 year old boy is sick today. 

My son is a very delightful little boy. Full of life. Fun to be with. A little bit clingy with me but so very loving. I hope he will grow up to be a strong, healthy, kind and intelligent man. May Allah protect him, bless him and give him all the kindness the world has to offer. 

Yearly update

 Haha as the title says it is a yearly update, y'all.

Just finished exam and results came out. Just glad I got through that amidst the snot and whatnot of my little one, I thank god, managed to pull it off. Profs were asking whether I get to sleep or not since my eyebags are quite conspicuous. They are my Birkin and Bijan. 

Anyway, I wanted to do sooooo many things once exam has finished. Today I am doing my monthly on-call. 

For the past 1 month, I have listed things that I wanted to do if I passed my first year exam. 

1. I want to learn a new language and do Duolingo daily
2. I want to lose some weight (gained a lot due to stress eating)
3. I want to read books. Managed to finished a book while waiting for result to come out. Yay me!
4. I want to potty train the little one. 
5. I want to cook. (in laws came to look after the little one and I cooked for them for the first time in 4 years of being married to A). 
6. I want to go home, hug mum and dad. 
7. I want to buy  a kindle to do number (3).
8. I want to study seriously, no more procrastinating. the time is now.  

Well, COVID-19 is still hitting us hard. I have got my booster shot few days back. My armpit is still very sore. 

Goodbye for now. 

in pandemic

 Hello, 

It really has been awhile right? I just feel the urge to jot something down.

Well we are well into almost the end of 2020. in 2 months, 2020 is going to be over. I hope 2021 will be better for everyone in this world.

As we all knew, in case you lot didn't remember (if you read this many years to come), 2020 was the year we were hit by coronavirus. Many died. As of now, more than 1 million people succumbed to covid-19.

Now we are wishing to be living in isolated islands, New Zealand or Australia or somewhere remote. 

I am in Tawau now. A city in eastcoast of Sabah. We were being hit hard by the pandemic when the cases has just being brought down to 0. We just enjoyed our local places for a breather. Taking our kids to beaches. Meeting friends and what not. Then suddenly boom! Stay at home. All thanks to our dear politicians who were so stupid, so engrossed with power,  irresponsible, selfish and decided to have an election during a pandemic. When there were cases reported to be sporadic in the community. Campaigning not following the new norms. Not wearing masks, Shaking hands with the elderly. And not being quarantined/checked upon arrival to another state from a red zone area. Mind you our cases were in hundreds when they were campaigning around Sabah. Anyone, literally anyone can come and go wherever they want. 

I am frustrated. Many healthcare workers are frustrated. 

I am going to further my study soon. I hope I can be a specialist someday. May Allah ease my way. 

Well a bit of life updates.

I am already 30 year old. 
I have an almost 2 year old son. 

I am probably leaving Tawau soon. 

Tawau has been a lovely place for me. 

I hope when I remember to read my blog, this post will bring me to the lovely memories I have had here. 

Love,

Nawa. 

February two oh one eight

Well this is random.
I used to love to write and tell my thought to anyone willing enough to read silly things that I wrote.
But it has been ages, kan?
So many wonderful things happen in the last what 2 years? or is it 3 years now?

If anyone wants to know or wondering.. I am currently in Tawau, Sabah.
Yeah. Nawwar is in Tawau yo!

Few things that probably one should know also
Nawwar has finally finished her housemanship of 2 years with no period of extension. Lol.
Nawwar also has moved herself to Tawau
Nawwar joined a department she never thought she will join. No It is not obstetrics.
Nawwar has a nephew and a niece now. Later they wont recognise her since she is away most of the time.
Nawwar is missing her family and erm..her husband.
Nawwar is married. Yep
Nawwar also is surprised she got married this early.

Anyway,

Probably the last post for the next few years. Who knows?

All the best!

The reality is coming down on me fast. I am going to start working real soon. In a week plus I will be back in the hospital setting, getting used to be berated and looked down upon again but this time it will be in front of my people. See it is different back in India where I no longer care because I didn't feel like I belong there. Here it will be different.

The thing is, I am excited as hell to start working which is a good thing I suppose. Add a little bit, no scratch that, not little bit, but very much.. scared. So many what ifs are going inside my mind. So many scenarios I am imagining.

And I hope, really really really hope that the excitement and enthusiasm will not falter away as time goes by.

If only.

I think it is tough to move on from the comfortable phase that I am in now. It is tough to know that I need to face something serious sooner or later. It is tough to prepare oneself for the unseen future. Am I going to be good or am I going to mess it up, big time?

Doing some deep thinking about the future and it is scary.

Sekarang selesa takmo keje. Lol tapi kena fikir untuk hidup masa hadapan, so harus bekerja.

Unlike some of my friends busting their ass working, while on holiday now, I am enjoying my life at home, sometimes taking care of my nephew, spending time with my family, going out with my mum, lecturing my little brother, listening to dad's stories, "paw"-ing my sisters .. of which I enjoy doing tremendously because I have missed 5 years of being with them. I bugged my sisters to come home every week because I miss yew gais. (lol matilah perasan kalau baca)

I am just so content now. If only life is so easy.

Of Ramzan n Raya

Ramzan

Ramadan 

Ramdan

Ramadhan 

Pick any . It's the same.

This was my first year spending my entire month of fasting with my family after 5 years abroad. My sisters are all married now. So with them juggling their time with their own family and in laws, this holy month of Ramadhan was a bit different. Plus, my brother is attending a boarding school. So I can safely say,  I spent almost the whole month with my parents alone. It was different but not in a bad way. I do miss the days when we were small. And the whole family was there. Now I am pretty much the "anak emas" at home. So can't complain. Hahah. 

To compensate, we have extra three members(2 brother in laws and a nephew) in the family, making our family larger and more merrier. I love that though. 

I used to wonder why the heck people make a big deal of their own nephew and nieces. Like shut up already. They are not your children and not remotely cute anyway (this is my inner monologue on certain people so it can be pretty vicious at times but not always). And now, I am the doting makcik. Whatever this boy does is cute. Maybe I am biased. I am pretty sure I am biased but whatever, my nephew is cute. 

and my sister is becoming a real makcik already. I hope she realizes this if she is reading. bye