Wednesday, 30 September 2015

All the best!

The reality is coming down on me fast. I am going to start working real soon. In a week plus I will be back in the hospital setting, getting used to be berated and looked down upon again but this time it will be in front of my people. See it is different back in India where I no longer care because I didn't feel like I belong there. Here it will be different.

The thing is, I am excited as hell to start working which is a good thing I suppose. Add a little bit, no scratch that, not little bit, but very much.. scared. So many what ifs are going inside my mind. So many scenarios I am imagining.

And I hope, really really really hope that the excitement and enthusiasm will not falter away as time goes by.

Thursday, 20 August 2015

If only.

I think it is tough to move on from the comfortable phase that I am in now. It is tough to know that I need to face something serious sooner or later. It is tough to prepare oneself for the unseen future. Am I going to be good or am I going to mess it up, big time?

Doing some deep thinking about the future and it is scary.

Sekarang selesa takmo keje. Lol tapi kena fikir untuk hidup masa hadapan, so harus bekerja.

Unlike some of my friends busting their ass working, while on holiday now, I am enjoying my life at home, sometimes taking care of my nephew, spending time with my family, going out with my mum, lecturing my little brother, listening to dad's stories, "paw"-ing my sisters .. of which I enjoy doing tremendously because I have missed 5 years of being with them. I bugged my sisters to come home every week because I miss yew gais. (lol matilah perasan kalau baca)

I am just so content now. If only life is so easy.

Wednesday, 22 July 2015

Of Ramzan n Raya


Pick any . It's the same.

This was my first year spending my entire month of fasting with my family after 5 years abroad. My sisters are all married now. So with them juggling their time with their own family and in laws, this holy month of Ramadhan was a bit different. Plus, my brother is attending a boarding school. So I can safely say,  I spent almost the whole month with my parents alone. It was different but not in a bad way. I do miss the days when we were small. And the whole family was there. Now I am pretty much the "anak emas" at home. So can't complain. Hahah. 

To compensate, we have extra three members(2 brother in laws and a nephew) in the family, making our family larger and more merrier. I love that though. 

I used to wonder why the heck people make a big deal of their own nephew and nieces. Like shut up already. They are not your children and not remotely cute anyway (this is my inner monologue on certain people so it can be pretty vicious at times but not always). And now, I am the doting makcik. Whatever this boy does is cute. Maybe I am biased. I am pretty sure I am biased but whatever, my nephew is cute. 

and my sister is becoming a real makcik already. I hope she realizes this if she is reading. bye

Sunday, 10 May 2015

Hi I am home


again, I am home.

Dah sebulan balik tapi bizi jadi anak kesayangan.LOL

It is definitely a bliss to be at home. Going back home this time around was definitely a long and arduous journey for me. The process to for that time being la.. you don't know man.i just want to get out from that place during that time because I think I had spent enough time away from home. anyway where was i? oh yeah, to dissociate myself from india. Not because being ungrateful or whatnot but you know, for the above mentioned reason. It was such a headache to deal with college. So many things to be done. They needed this and that. Go Xerox this and that. Go pay this and that.  Just go show your face to principal. Go sign this. That already set me back few days. Lesson learnt, in case any of you who is currently in India and about to graduate, Don't.. I repeat, DON'T go for a holiday UNLESS you have finished everything related with college. I made a huge boo-boo there. So when my friends were all ready to go home, I was left alone sobbing, out of loneliness..LOL NO.. since i have other friends to entertain me and I was running around back and forth to college and hotel ( we finished dealing with our rented home earlier and i didn't want to be alone in that house, badgered by my overly attached neighbour), I barely had time to do the crying part. That will come later.

Then I made a huge mistake again, not checking my residential permit which unfortunately expired 6 days prior to my original departure date. I checked it on the way to the airport and merrily went my way thinking Nothing could go wrong. WRONG! Everything can go wrong when you are travelling abroad. Yeah I didn't get checked in because the immigration was not letting me. I had to travel back to maiso and get a bloody stamp releasing me from India.( to know whether I have any criminal records back in maiso. so if i have a record in between prolly ok haha) No assistance offered to me, a lone female Malaysian traveller, in terms of what my plans were (by an airline owned by a Malaysian company ..obviously not MH) besides talking to the immigration officials after I plead them multiple times to please go talk to them since I knew this was not the first time people forget to check their expired RPs, hell, my friend didn't ever bring her visa could still pass through immigration. The anguish is still fresh here but yeah it was my fault anyway.

I shed too many tears that week. Mentally tiring month I think because after that there were a couple of glitches with my college again.

But anyway, the best thing that came out, out of all these things, was I went back home FOR GOOD with the two people I love the most, me mum and me dad. So sayang them. They came the next day after my supposed departure date. I guess I did worry them by crying buckets on the phone. I am not a huge fan of crying in public okay but that day all hell broke loose. My face is batu one mostly. A friend told me maybe because I was so near yet so far from home.So that  hit hard you know.

Oh and my interview will be on this Thursday. Do pray it will run smoothly for me.

So yeah.

and, Happy Mother's Day, Mummy. and Happy Birthday, Daddy. Both of you are the best parents anyone could ever wish for.

Much love.

Sunday, 22 February 2015

sunday blues.

Although I terribly dislike(since hate is too strong) the establishment I am from but I know this is the place where I got all my knowledge from, where I learned my life lessons, where I build my own characters, and where I dealt with people from all walk of life. So I cannot hate because at the end of the day, I need to thank JSS for the ample opportunities they have given, for me to grow as a person . I hope this wouldn't come up in the search engines. Haha.

I just hope they will decide the date for my graduation day so that I can prepare mentally whether my parents will be there or not. Because they infuriate me with their indecisiveness. 

On the other hand, I am being very productive today. Finally cleaned up my messy room, my messy bathroom. Actually cleaning them up so I don't have to put so much effort when my parents are coming. Hahaha. 

Time to eat Biryani. Ciao.

Friday, 20 February 2015


When people asked me why I want to be a doctor, I am always stumped. I have pondered about this question too for so many times and I honestly can't say the reason for me to become one.

But anyway, when people put this thought on all girls..once you have finished your studies, you will go to work, get married and have children. I know it is not demeaning to become a wife and a mother.  but come on, I do have other things in mind. Granted my mum wouldn't let me be near any war zones whatsoever but I do find doing those working in humanitarian aid interesting. But I feel I am no where near competent to work in that area yet. I still need my training. I still need to learn. If you ask me, I have almost zero confidence in working but I am really really willing to learn. I want to do stuff. It doesn't have to be big. My name doesn't need to be known. I believe even small things can affect people. And I guess that is what I want to achieve.

I am blabbering here. I just need to get something off my chest. It is just bothering me on how people who doesn't really know me try to view myself. I am not a very socially able person but I can manage. It just irks me when they have this pinpoint view of what I am, what I will be, what I want to do. It is just that.

Ok signing off now.

Sunday, 25 January 2015


I met a patient who remembered me. I didn't hear her calling after me and she was running to catch me up. and we talked with my broken Kannada I asked her whether she is doing fine or not. She gave me a big smile and said she was feeling great. Well, I gave a her a hug first since I didn't know how to respond properly to this small lady in front of me. Haha.

oh yeah

Happy New Year