Sunday, 27 November 2011

A splendid weather.

Well hello there.

It has been a while it seems. You know when every time you are facing difficulties there will always be a point where you really can not take it anymore and say screw it. I will not care anymore.

I have been there
again and again.

See.. I am not the brightest of all students. I need time to study and even that, I fail to memorise or comprehend what I have been reading. I know, that in this profession I am learning to be, persistence is what I need but it is so hard to concentrate. It is not me to read books everyday. I don't even read story books with that consistency. It is not me to always talk about medical stuff. It is not me to spontaneously answer questions thrown at me. My brain lacks in the speed of processing I guess. I sometimes doubt myself what really am I doing here really. Well if you have never ever question yourself  with what are doing right now well then good for you. I have doubted myself and have been feeling what a let down I am when I failed a paper. when I failed to answer a simple question. when people succeed making me feel like a complete loser just because I am not able to deliver an excellent answer.

but again and again,

having a good friend saying it's OK. we have all been there. you'll be good.
having a family saying things will get better. it will not always be like this. we love you.
having a complete stranger saying i pray to god you will be an excellent doctor that will be able to serve your country, your religion and your community.

is a comfort of some sort.

I hope I will be able to realize that I am lucky to have this opportunity and stop second guessing myself.

Salaam Maal Hijrah everyone.

Wednesday, 16 November 2011

ekjem ekjem.

What is love?
"What is love - we cannot talk about that.
What is not love - we can talk about. Love is not attachment, love is not
possession, love is not controlling somebody, love is not making use of
somebody, and love is not all that you conceive of. You cannot know love
but you can experience love.
The only thing that we can say is that it is unconditional. If you love
somebody just because somebody is good looking, somebody is wealthy or
popular or this or that, obviously that is not love. But if you're not able
to give any reason at all, then probably you have discovered love. That
love is unconditional and such love is not an imaginary love.
Thousands of people have discovered it and you can discover it. That is the
purpose of human existence. Otherwise life is worthless.
If you do anything to increase the love in you, you will never discover
love. If you could realize there is nothing you could do about it, that is
the beginning of love. In spirituality (in the internal world) the moment
you realize there is nothing you could do about it, that is the moment it
happens. As long as you keep trying, you will never ever get there.
Because that trying (in the internal world - not in the external world) is
the problem. That trying is the thing which takes you away from me.
When all seeking has stopped what is there is unconditional love.
This is what Dad mailed us, miles away. Anyway, I love you too papito.

Sunday, 6 November 2011

Esok raya..

It's Eid tomorrow.

I hope Mum and Dad are doing great over there. I hope my sisters and my little brother are doing OK at home without my parents to fuss over them. I sure do miss them so much. Since exam mood is kicking in again, everything looks very much enticing. A stupid gibberish article attracted me way more than reading medical books right now. Do you know that chewing too much sugar-free gum can cause chronic diarrhoea? Yeah.. I am that much of being distracted..


Eid Mubarak people! Have a good one and may Allah bless!

Pacik Malan and Macik Senah yang dirindui


Wednesday, 2 November 2011

Impian jangka pendek.

Saya nak balik, rehat-rehat, makan-makan, duduk -duduk baca buku sambil baring-baring, tengok TV, kacau ahli keluarga, keluar jalan-jalan, tak perlu memikirkan masalah kehidupan, gaduh-gaduh dengan adik beradik, jumpa kawan itu pun kalau cuti saya panjang sebab saya suka spend masa dengan keluarga bila masa cuti saya sekejap. Sebab ye lah keluarga mesti diutamakan. Sepuluh hari tak cukup wooooo..