confessing something i shouldnt do.

Hi and halo.

Today I didn't go to work? why? Because I am lazehhh. I woke up but i dont have the energy to get ready. Since I have one CL left for this posting. Might as well use it. from last few months i have been a very lazy bum causing weight gain and what not. and today will be my last holiday for the next few months since tomorrow will be my last day in community medicine. no more sundays for me.

I am dreading to go into OnG. I am just dreading the people in the department. Hormones mess people up

Anyhow,

so sad leaving behind the most relaxing 4 months I ever had. wishing goodbye to community medicine.

oh "happy" day!

I miss home.
I wanna see my new nephew. since I'll be the distant aunt. who needs to bribe nephews/nieces in the near future. for some love.

LOL

Finishing Surgery postings. Cannot wait to get out of this gastrosurg dept especially. What lazy ass and annoying nurses. Could not even bloody prescribe adult diapers to patients. or write an ultrasound form. Still need me to do it and bitching like hell for one form she wrote since I wasn't there as I was busy doing some other stupid work. and the ridiculous "you need to be here and complete ward work by 830" when the rounds will start at 10. Blame on me when biopsy report wasn't ready yet. yeah I am patho dept alright. Stupid stupid. 2 more days.

enough rant.

Bye bye.

i am okay

So yeah.. So much for the talk of updating more often once I started working. I am being posted in Surgery for the net two months. I don't know why but I am just super tired everyday. I will sleep early every night without fail. Maybe because I have been running up and down the stairs to collect lab reports and what not.

Anyway, found my new anthem for now.

Wait actually I found two. HAHA. So very productive today. I need to read my BLS book.

Bang Bang

Salaam

Finally I feel like blogging again. Just because tomorrow is my birthday. My 24th birthday mind you. Getting so old yet I am not feeling like it. Feeling muda-muda giteww. Sebab tulah harus bersyukur dengan ketinggian yg rendang. Boleh masuk Taj Mahal dengan free. HAHAHAHA. I bragged about this a lot. It is like an amazing feat for my years in India. Kahkah.

Anyway,

I will be starting to work with JSS soon. I can't really say that I am eager to work there but I can't really say that I am not looking forward to it either. Half of me is saying bring it on! while the other half is saying Nooooo.. there goes my morning sleep, my sundays, my holidays, my fatty Malaysian food, my cheesecake, my rendang, my nasi lemak, my mee rebus, my yong tau foo, and the list continues. and yeah, my family which actually should be the first in the list. 

Well, here is me hoping that another good year is coming with Allah's blessings. Keep me in your du'a to whoever is reading. 

I think I want to write more this year. Like once you are working mesti banyak cerita kan. since studying is the same routine for everybody but working in India is not. It is a rare chance that not everyone will get. Must treasure it and keep the memories alive. Rhonda Byrne sangat kan. But see lah how.If malas tak jalan la jugak.

A short, short one.

I have 35 days more on the road to final examination of Final Year. I hope all my energy will be focused on studying and staying happy.

Stressed

Hi

I have exam. but who cares anyway?

I read a post of a medical student who is struggling with depression and it affected me quite a lot actually. Not because I suffered the same condition. But let's face it. I am a skeptic. I don't really get it when people say they are depressed to the point of having panic attacks at the smallest thing. Although I find that the field of psychiatry itself is interesting, dealing with the complexity of human mind, I scoffed a lot during psychiatry classes. Not because I am having the tendency of being an evil and insensitive lot but, just because I do not understand how is it possible for some people to have this overwhelming feeling that is not well under their control.

I admit, we as the"general population" just don't understand. How these kind of minds work. We take it very lightly to what a person feels. Just because a large portion of us are able to overcome our stresses, we forget that a minority of us could not. We are different by all means. The flaw that I think most of us have is that we tend to judge and group ourselves into this same set of thinking.

If I am stressed and I feel good by eating, that does not mean my friend sitting next to me feel the same way too by gorging down on food. If I am bothered by my marks that I got in exams, does not mean that my friend next to me is feeling the same way too. Everybody has a way of coping but we forget that not everybody copes well.

I just hope I am being more empathetic to people around me.

I am under a lot of stress but thankfully, not depressed.

It has been long since I love Fridays.

tomorrow is holiday. hence the love. 

There are times when I just simply think, I am done with politics. I am not going to get to know about anything since most of the things in the news are hurtful and unfair. Sometimes, I just think that to live ignorantly, not knowing of anything that is beyond my reach or, of that which does not affect me directly, is a bless and a pure bliss.

I read something or hear it before, that human beings are capable of pushing all the negatives aside, and still capable of living their day as if they have no worries. Like you know you will be dead somehow, yet you still work and repeat it every single day. Like you know all the bad things going on in the world, yet somehow you manage to wake up the next morning as if nothing really happen.

Darn, my professor's daily ramblings of trying really hard to be philosophical has paid off I think. He told us every single day, that we need to think. varicose veins are not important. lets not discuss this. lets discuss about life. The other day, he asked me what is the meaning of truth? and yeah, I was thinking about it the whole night. Bravo sir. You made me think. He kept on rambling that he knows the direction of the truth though he may not know what the truth really is and all of us are not in the direction of truth. Somehow, his eyes are trained on me when the "truth" subject came up. He talks a lot about being true. Whatever that means to him. I want to tell him that truth is what one perceives to be real.

I would like to explain it in the term of religion since he brought up religion a gazillion times. Not that I resented it but y'know I am attending clinical postings here not comparative religion studies. I would like to tell him that I believe my religion is the truth and my religion is what I perceived to be real. But in this case, he will not see my religion is the truth since well, he does not perceive it to be real. I will lay down facts on why I think my religion is the truth and so will he. But we will not believe each other even if the other party is true anyway since we are firm in our belief system because we believe what we want to believe i.e our religion is the truth. In the end, there is no clear cut definition to what truth really defines. But well, he never lets anyone speak anyway. Or if someone did, he'll just say we are bullshitting him.

I also managed to get daily teachings of Hinduism from him but he never really let me intercept him with my poor knowledge of Islam. I don't really mind to get extra knowledge on religions. But it just bugged me to take a case which never really got discussed. Yet we stood there for hours to hear him ramble about music kills your soul as the demons get into you through your ear buds. At the end of the day, we just smile and nod. Are you lazy? Yes we are. Am I mad? Yes you are*nods enthusiastically*

On a bright side, he is a funny guy. We laughed a lot in his class because he is sarcastic like hell and smiled his creepy smile after scolding people for no reasons. We ended up confused whether to take him seriously or not. And he keeps on calling us buggers. What really came into my mind is booger.

and with that, I am out.