me time

One time, blogging was the it thing to do. Then came along micro blogging. Then instagram..but  anyway it is just that i just discovered blogger app in playstore and started to ponder stuff. 

So here i am. I passed my exam Alhamdulillah. I have to apply for placement by today. I am wrecking my brain to fit the reason column for only 300 letters. That cannot fit my reasonsssssss. 

Well today i applied for me time day. I went to send my boy to school. I went to the hospital and cleared up my workspace. I went to have a massage get my hair washed and trimmed. 

Now i am sitting in the car with my kindle trying to read. But got distracted with my phone. 

Here is hoping to a wonderful 2025. May Allah the Almighty gives me the best place to work, best for me and my family. Aminn. 

2024

 hi another yearly update from me.

it is now raining outside and i am in front of the laptop planning to start studying again. Alhamdulillah, I passed last year's exam btw and sitting for another one so very soon, like next week. Again, i hope this will be the last one. A started his masters journey as well last month and has been travelling back and forth every weekend to meet us. May Allah helps us get through this journey too. 

Mum and Dad will be coming tomorrow helping me out so that i can get through my exam. I pray I will pass so as not to disappoint them. I owe them big time.  I pray i can go back to my hometown to be nearer to mum and dad and inlaws too. 

Anyway, 

Palestine is still under occupation. Americans are going for election. Najib just apologized for 1MDB. 

p/s: I am on my duolingo streak 220 days, i think. 

hoping for a good ending for this year.

 almost another year later. 

i have a really big exam coming up and i am freaking out. I do hope I will pass all components in this exam. I am struggling to keep myself focused doing MCQs and writing manually subjective answers. I can focus on doing VIVA sessions alone. but man i kid you not my speaking skill has degraded a lot.  Like woman, be confident!

Anyway, may Allah grant my wishes of passing this exam and the next. May I finish my course within the stipulated time-frame. Ameen. 

I have 200++ fictional books to read once I finish my exam. I have been staring at my kindle  many times. Sometimes, I take few minutes before going to bed reading books but the guilty feeling overwhelmed me. So yeah. 

I hope my brothers and sisters in Gaza will be protected, their worry and sickness alleviated and know that almost the whole world is on their side. 

From the river to the sea!

Old

 I think I am getting older. Because I enjoy cooking for people. I kid you not. I feel full watching others eat what I cooked. Hahaha. 

Next year will be another year of struggling. Another big exam. I hope I can start studying. Start early, girl!!!

Grateful

 Sometimes I do miss the days where problems are small, borderline negligible when I only have to care for myself. My responsibility is only being myself. 

BUT

I can guarantee in ten years time when I look back again to today, my problem is small, miniscule even to some people. I have roof over my head, a loving family, enough money to spend things that I want to buy. I don't have to worry what can I eat tomorrow because I know my fridge is fully stocked. 

I just want to be grateful. I have a family. I have a job. I have a home. 

Oh well, I miss writing things that don't make much sense. I really do feel old this year. 

10 years ago, I did wonder where will I be, what I look like, where I work, how many kids I have, to whom I will be married to... and hey now, ten years later, here I am.. still studying.. lol 

I hope I did not disappoint my previous self. 

I think writing is a form of therapy. It doesn't matter if people are not reading it. But it is very fun reading back my posts.  some major throwback moment reading my previous posts. I think I do want to start writing again. 

Well today, I stayed home instead of working. My 3 year old boy is sick today. 

My son is a very delightful little boy. Full of life. Fun to be with. A little bit clingy with me but so very loving. I hope he will grow up to be a strong, healthy, kind and intelligent man. May Allah protect him, bless him and give him all the kindness the world has to offer. 

Yearly update

 Haha as the title says it is a yearly update, y'all.

Just finished exam and results came out. Just glad I got through that amidst the snot and whatnot of my little one, I thank god, managed to pull it off. Profs were asking whether I get to sleep or not since my eyebags are quite conspicuous. They are my Birkin and Bijan. 

Anyway, I wanted to do sooooo many things once exam has finished. Today I am doing my monthly on-call. 

For the past 1 month, I have listed things that I wanted to do if I passed my first year exam. 

1. I want to learn a new language and do Duolingo daily
2. I want to lose some weight (gained a lot due to stress eating)
3. I want to read books. Managed to finished a book while waiting for result to come out. Yay me!
4. I want to potty train the little one. 
5. I want to cook. (in laws came to look after the little one and I cooked for them for the first time in 4 years of being married to A). 
6. I want to go home, hug mum and dad. 
7. I want to buy  a kindle to do number (3).
8. I want to study seriously, no more procrastinating. the time is now.  

Well, COVID-19 is still hitting us hard. I have got my booster shot few days back. My armpit is still very sore. 

Goodbye for now. 

in pandemic

 Hello, 

It really has been awhile right? I just feel the urge to jot something down.

Well we are well into almost the end of 2020. in 2 months, 2020 is going to be over. I hope 2021 will be better for everyone in this world.

As we all knew, in case you lot didn't remember (if you read this many years to come), 2020 was the year we were hit by coronavirus. Many died. As of now, more than 1 million people succumbed to covid-19.

Now we are wishing to be living in isolated islands, New Zealand or Australia or somewhere remote. 

I am in Tawau now. A city in eastcoast of Sabah. We were being hit hard by the pandemic when the cases has just being brought down to 0. We just enjoyed our local places for a breather. Taking our kids to beaches. Meeting friends and what not. Then suddenly boom! Stay at home. All thanks to our dear politicians who were so stupid, so engrossed with power,  irresponsible, selfish and decided to have an election during a pandemic. When there were cases reported to be sporadic in the community. Campaigning not following the new norms. Not wearing masks, Shaking hands with the elderly. And not being quarantined/checked upon arrival to another state from a red zone area. Mind you our cases were in hundreds when they were campaigning around Sabah. Anyone, literally anyone can come and go wherever they want. 

I am frustrated. Many healthcare workers are frustrated. 

I am going to further my study soon. I hope I can be a specialist someday. May Allah ease my way. 

Well a bit of life updates.

I am already 30 year old. 
I have an almost 2 year old son. 

I am probably leaving Tawau soon. 

Tawau has been a lovely place for me. 

I hope when I remember to read my blog, this post will bring me to the lovely memories I have had here. 

Love,

Nawa. 

February two oh one eight

Well this is random.
I used to love to write and tell my thought to anyone willing enough to read silly things that I wrote.
But it has been ages, kan?
So many wonderful things happen in the last what 2 years? or is it 3 years now?

If anyone wants to know or wondering.. I am currently in Tawau, Sabah.
Yeah. Nawwar is in Tawau yo!

Few things that probably one should know also
Nawwar has finally finished her housemanship of 2 years with no period of extension. Lol.
Nawwar also has moved herself to Tawau
Nawwar joined a department she never thought she will join. No It is not obstetrics.
Nawwar has a nephew and a niece now. Later they wont recognise her since she is away most of the time.
Nawwar is missing her family and erm..her husband.
Nawwar is married. Yep
Nawwar also is surprised she got married this early.

Anyway,

Probably the last post for the next few years. Who knows?

All the best!

The reality is coming down on me fast. I am going to start working real soon. In a week plus I will be back in the hospital setting, getting used to be berated and looked down upon again but this time it will be in front of my people. See it is different back in India where I no longer care because I didn't feel like I belong there. Here it will be different.

The thing is, I am excited as hell to start working which is a good thing I suppose. Add a little bit, no scratch that, not little bit, but very much.. scared. So many what ifs are going inside my mind. So many scenarios I am imagining.

And I hope, really really really hope that the excitement and enthusiasm will not falter away as time goes by.

If only.

I think it is tough to move on from the comfortable phase that I am in now. It is tough to know that I need to face something serious sooner or later. It is tough to prepare oneself for the unseen future. Am I going to be good or am I going to mess it up, big time?

Doing some deep thinking about the future and it is scary.

Sekarang selesa takmo keje. Lol tapi kena fikir untuk hidup masa hadapan, so harus bekerja.

Unlike some of my friends busting their ass working, while on holiday now, I am enjoying my life at home, sometimes taking care of my nephew, spending time with my family, going out with my mum, lecturing my little brother, listening to dad's stories, "paw"-ing my sisters .. of which I enjoy doing tremendously because I have missed 5 years of being with them. I bugged my sisters to come home every week because I miss yew gais. (lol matilah perasan kalau baca)

I am just so content now. If only life is so easy.

Of Ramzan n Raya

Ramzan

Ramadan 

Ramdan

Ramadhan 

Pick any . It's the same.

This was my first year spending my entire month of fasting with my family after 5 years abroad. My sisters are all married now. So with them juggling their time with their own family and in laws, this holy month of Ramadhan was a bit different. Plus, my brother is attending a boarding school. So I can safely say,  I spent almost the whole month with my parents alone. It was different but not in a bad way. I do miss the days when we were small. And the whole family was there. Now I am pretty much the "anak emas" at home. So can't complain. Hahah. 

To compensate, we have extra three members(2 brother in laws and a nephew) in the family, making our family larger and more merrier. I love that though. 

I used to wonder why the heck people make a big deal of their own nephew and nieces. Like shut up already. They are not your children and not remotely cute anyway (this is my inner monologue on certain people so it can be pretty vicious at times but not always). And now, I am the doting makcik. Whatever this boy does is cute. Maybe I am biased. I am pretty sure I am biased but whatever, my nephew is cute. 

and my sister is becoming a real makcik already. I hope she realizes this if she is reading. bye

Hi I am home

Hi

again, I am home.

Dah sebulan balik tapi bizi jadi anak kesayangan.LOL

It is definitely a bliss to be at home. Going back home this time around was definitely a long and arduous journey for me. The process to dissociate..lol for that time being la.. you don't know man.i just want to get out from that place during that time because I think I had spent enough time away from home. anyway where was i? oh yeah, to dissociate myself from india. Not because being ungrateful or whatnot but you know, for the above mentioned reason. It was such a headache to deal with college. So many things to be done. They needed this and that. Go Xerox this and that. Go pay this and that.  Just go show your face to principal. Go sign this. That already set me back few days. Lesson learnt, in case any of you who is currently in India and about to graduate, Don't.. I repeat, DON'T go for a holiday UNLESS you have finished everything related with college. I made a huge boo-boo there. So when my friends were all ready to go home, I was left alone sobbing, out of loneliness..LOL NO.. since i have other friends to entertain me and I was running around back and forth to college and hotel ( we finished dealing with our rented home earlier and i didn't want to be alone in that house, badgered by my overly attached neighbour), I barely had time to do the crying part. That will come later.

Then I made a huge mistake again, not checking my residential permit which unfortunately expired 6 days prior to my original departure date. I checked it on the way to the airport and merrily went my way thinking Nothing could go wrong. WRONG! Everything can go wrong when you are travelling abroad. Yeah I didn't get checked in because the immigration was not letting me. I had to travel back to maiso and get a bloody stamp releasing me from India.( to know whether I have any criminal records back in maiso. so if i have a record in between prolly ok haha) No assistance offered to me, a lone female Malaysian traveller, in terms of what my plans were (by an airline owned by a Malaysian company ..obviously not MH) besides talking to the immigration officials after I plead them multiple times to please go talk to them since I knew this was not the first time people forget to check their expired RPs, hell, my friend didn't ever bring her visa could still pass through immigration. The anguish is still fresh here but yeah it was my fault anyway.

I shed too many tears that week. Mentally tiring month I think because after that there were a couple of glitches with my college again.

But anyway, the best thing that came out, out of all these things, was I went back home FOR GOOD with the two people I love the most, me mum and me dad. So sayang them. They came the next day after my supposed departure date. I guess I did worry them by crying buckets on the phone. I am not a huge fan of crying in public okay but that day all hell broke loose. My face is batu one mostly. A friend told me maybe because I was so near yet so far from home.So that  hit hard you know.

Oh and my interview will be on this Thursday. Do pray it will run smoothly for me.

So yeah.

and, Happy Mother's Day, Mummy. and Happy Birthday, Daddy. Both of you are the best parents anyone could ever wish for.

Much love.

sunday blues.

Although I terribly dislike(since hate is too strong) the establishment I am from but I know this is the place where I got all my knowledge from, where I learned my life lessons, where I build my own characters, and where I dealt with people from all walk of life. So I cannot hate because at the end of the day, I need to thank JSS for the ample opportunities they have given, for me to grow as a person . I hope this wouldn't come up in the search engines. Haha.

I just hope they will decide the date for my graduation day so that I can prepare mentally whether my parents will be there or not. Because they infuriate me with their indecisiveness. 

On the other hand, I am being very productive today. Finally cleaned up my messy room, my messy bathroom. Actually cleaning them up so I don't have to put so much effort when my parents are coming. Hahaha. 

Time to eat Biryani. Ciao.

ey

When people asked me why I want to be a doctor, I am always stumped. I have pondered about this question too for so many times and I honestly can't say the reason for me to become one.

But anyway, when people put this thought on all girls..once you have finished your studies, you will go to work, get married and have children. I know it is not demeaning to become a wife and a mother.  but come on, I do have other things in mind. Granted my mum wouldn't let me be near any war zones whatsoever but I do find doing those working in humanitarian aid interesting. But I feel I am no where near competent to work in that area yet. I still need my training. I still need to learn. If you ask me, I have almost zero confidence in working but I am really really willing to learn. I want to do stuff. It doesn't have to be big. My name doesn't need to be known. I believe even small things can affect people. And I guess that is what I want to achieve.

I am blabbering here. I just need to get something off my chest. It is just bothering me on how people who doesn't really know me try to view myself. I am not a very socially able person but I can manage. It just irks me when they have this pinpoint view of what I am, what I will be, what I want to do. It is just that.

Ok signing off now.

meep

I met a patient who remembered me. I didn't hear her calling after me and she was running to catch me up. and we talked with my broken Kannada I asked her whether she is doing fine or not. She gave me a big smile and said she was feeling great. Well, I gave a her a hug first since I didn't know how to respond properly to this small lady in front of me. Haha.

oh yeah

Happy New Year

I mean no disrespect.

Hi I am going to finish Obs & Gynae soon. I am undoubtedly happy about it. Anyway, what I wanted to lament and complain now because that is what I do best is how much people are sometimes over sharing about certain something. For example, breastfeeding. I know you are advocating breastfeeding. Undeniably as a medical student we were stressed about the importance of it. The whole chapter in Paediatrics was about breastfeeeding. In Obs, the first thing we did after delivering is feeding the baby with the mother's own milk and strongly denied the mother to feed the baby other than breast milk for the first 6 months. I really support these mothers who really want the best nutrition for their child but sometimes, dude.. there is a line. I don't need to know how much you have pumped today. I don't need to know how you pumped your milk. I don't need to know how much you have stored in the fridge and how long it will last. I get it you are excited to share the good news. You are happy. You are one of the few lucky enough to be pumping away with a very good outcome. But I guess, it's Facebook. Can't really tell people how to run their lives. Insert one selfie with deep captions about life. So, bye-bye.

Lesson learnt.

The most important and useful lesson I have learnt so far is how to handle a newborn baby. I can now proudly carry babies without any fear of dropping them. Well, the fear is still there but I can brush them off confidently since Psshh.. I've carried a few newborns now. 

Tomorrow is Diwali. I have to go to work and put up a night there because it is our OPD day. Our consultants already told not to admit any patients unless emergency. I am going to do labor duty and I hope there is at least one labor to see and conduct hopefully. 

What a life!

Sunday blues.

You know, when you have to go to work even on a Sunday, you sighed and hoped that you can take a day off just to sleep in, just a little bit more of sleep then all will be okay? Well, I did just that today.
But I had an upset stomach and lets not get into details here. In India, it is customary to get it once in a while.

So, say goodbye to sleep because I was all up and not ready to sleep again. I had 50% of battery in my phone. so I might just as well use it until it died and charge it afterwards. As soon as it hit 1%,  the power was out. Great! Also, a pretty usual occurrence here but today it lasted for four hours. FOUR HOURS!Luckily I charged my tab previously. So smart of me, I know.

Now I have a birthday party invitation but I am just not in the mood. The power is back on and I need to charge my phone.









i just came back from the said birthday party since I think it was not nice of me declining an invitation when I had no other reason to say no. Now I am stuffed and I am sleepy.

Toodles.

It's already a month over in OnG. 

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Five more month in India y'all!

37

I wanna buy a slow cooker. From what I read, it is very suitable for lazy people like me. Just throw chickens, sauces, broths, spices etc, let it cook for hours and tadaa.. your meal is ready. But I will just hold on spending for a month, maybe.. since I think I have spent quite a lot this month. 

I also wanna read more books. I read Reddit which is not equivalent to reading books. I downloaded like tonnes of books but never get the chance to read them because the time I should spend for reading books, I reddit. I pinterest too. I left tumblr long time ago. I just fell off that wagon and joined another wagon. 

I don't want to get angry and take everyday as it is. A friend helped me realized this. There is no point dreading the day after when you are never going to know what will happen next. So take it slow. Take it as it is. My first week I get flustered  and frustrated a lot. Now no more. I am happy as a clam. Maybe a day or two I feel like slapping someone on the face and curse a lot. But I am okay now.